Friday, September 18, 2009


Just last night, Steve, who is a very good story teller, explained to me – in less than 5 minutes – what the TV Series “Lost” is all about. He broke it down in a very simple and easily understood manner, season by season. I wish I could gather my thoughts like that and explain something to someone else with such clarity. My thoughts are always jumbled and a speak like an idiot. ANYWAY.. I digress, cuz I’m not posting about my speech impediment, rather I want to talk about my feelings. And what I’m feeling right now is sad. :0( Boooooo. hehe. I’ve got all these thoughts in my head and its taking up all my memory.. everything else is starting to crash. Its time to ablate and write/type it all out.

So what happened is that I just came back from an incredible trip in Hawaii...yes, yes.. what the f*ck does this guy have to be sad about right? Yah I’m aware that it is completely selfish and that I have a bad attitude towards this whole thing about feeling sad.. heck I should be totally recharged and ready to go right? NOPE. What actually ended up happening was a punch in the throat. A feeling of let down. Its been hard to swallow and embrace anything lately. I feel like I came back with a clean perspective of my current life. That somebody just gave my life back to me in its current state and I can’t help but feel sh*tty about it. Here take it.. this is yours. F*ck this sh*t is heavy! Do I have to take it? I came back a different person from when I left. I came back with no worries... smiles ear to ear, but of course... the Rich that exists here was just waiting for me.

Its been an introspective week. Trying to figure out why I feel the way I feel. Yes, coming from paradise back to work is a stark contrast and anybody would feel somewhat sad about leaving paradise. Which brings me back to Steve and “Lost”.. he explained that in the 4th or 5th Season(?) the people on the island found a way to escape, but when given the opportunity half of them elected to stay, finding that their lives on the island were much better than their past lives that they left behind. BLAU... thats exactly how I feel. except... I would want to stay on the island only if all my friends and family were with me! haha. I want everything damnit! At any rate.. I dont think I’m trying to say that I reaaally want to start a new life in Hawaii and leave my life in Vancouver for good. I love Vancouver... I would never do something drastic like that. What I think has happened is that I realize that I’ve made a mess of things here. That I’ve set myself up for sadness and frustration. The good news is that I also realize the possiblity of living a happier life. If I can be THAT happy in Hawaii.. why couldn’t I bring atleast some of that style of living back home. Why the f*ck not?

Okay, so after all this blabber.. whats the result? Gotta change things up and make some rules for myslef to ensure a change in my life. Maybe not so much rules... just guides.. so I remember to change. I tend to forget that I’m not satisfied and just get stuck in the routine again. Alright.. so here it is:

1. Treat my 9-5 as a 9-5. Be more consistent with my hours.. get to work early and reduce the OT. Work is work. Leave it there.

2. Complete all side projects/freelance work and reject anything new coming in. Say NO Rich, its okay to say NO. I must free up my time and concentrate on personal projects for a while. Gotta nurture that creativity and not worry so much about doing business and pleasing others. F*ck it, gotta make ME happy now!

3. Exercise: run/bike/weights/basketball/vball/dance. I love sports and activities.. I cannot live without it.

4. Friends. Make a point of seeing my friends atleast once a week. They are important to me and they balance me out.

5. Try being an influencer and not an accomadator. I think this requires a post of its own to explain fully.. but basically gotta learn to be confident and be more forward.. be sure about my ideas and not just take orders from others. Lets RUN THIS SH*T.. take charge! Stop aplogizing.. no more of that weak sh*t. F*ck the servant, make everyone happy type attitude.. its not working.

6. Last but not least. Pay attention to Easy and make her feel special. We spend tons of time together, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve been a good partner. She improves me, I gotta show my appreciation.

Will this ensure happiness in my life? We’ll see.


Druske said...

Yo man, that fact that you even acknowledge this is the step in the right direction. Take baby steps, realize that there will be bumps in the road but keep moving forward. I got you dawg. You know if you need that support, you can holler at me.
Oh and you may want to adjust your sense of time. :)

ggnorethx said...

Most people bemoan the fact that they don't have enough ideas in life to pursue.

You're one of those people that have too many interests, combined with a too-nice-guy attitude. You're taking the right steps by starting to politely say "no" to people after evaluating what your true priorities are.

Good luck.

Rich said...

@ggnorethx: thanks for the encouraging words of wisdom. You're absolutely right about keeping the priorities straight even if it means being less "nice".. being "nice" all of a sudden doesn't seem to be that nice anymore. Its as if I'm not being true to myself (sometimes) if I just keep on compromising my own needs to please others. But at the same time, harmony is important to me, keeping everything around me in some type of happy balance. Its a strange thing. I guess this is where being polite and having tact comes into play.