Saturday, October 25, 2008

Carpe Diem

I had this dream early this morning. It really shook me up, but not in a way that a nightmare would. It had nothing to do with feeling a sense of fear, instead it wast about fear itself. I can't say I remember all that much, but the impression it left is quite clear.

So it starts off with me dying. I don't know how.. I just lay there dead. I then become aware that my life has ended and that I'm now a ghost. A lost soul. My body gets taken away by medics.. and during this process family and friends start to appear. As my body travels, as a ghost I follow along and I'm somehow able to communicate to anybody that I want. I have these conversations with them, but not with the actual individual more like their souls leave their body in order to speak with me. This part is jumbled, but I do remember having a conversation with someone that I can't recognize. He tells me that I died early and that I didn't finish my journey. That I did not fulfill my dreams. He proceeds to break my life down in a simple manner and points out exact moments where I had opportunities to progress, but failed to do so. I had the choice every time to be successful and turned the other way instead. "Why?" he asks.. I have no answer. "Because you were afraid. Look, you were even too afraid to ask a simple question, or here, when you wanted this to happen, but were too afraid to give your opinion. Where does all this nonsensical fear come from?" I look at all those situations as a dead person and it all seemed so ridiculous. Such simple things that I was unable to conquer. I mean, most of it was just talking. It's not like I had to climb any mountains or fight any fires. Just talk.

While talking to this faceless person, I lose track of where my body went. I'm not sure what to do, but I know that I must look for it. The dream spins me into places I've been to before in other dreams. –For example, I always have reoccurring nightmares of "impossible" bridges. Bridges that are incredibly high and have no railing on the sides, bridges that end and you just fall off of them, bridges that you have to drive upside down on in order to get to the other side. It could seem like an awesome rollercoaster ride, but whenever I have these nightmares, I get scared sh*tless.– I get taken to all these scary places and situations and realize that they are challenges. One of them was again a bridge with intense fog. It's super high and narrow and I know that my body is on the other side of it. I run across it without flinching. I feel different. I'm not afraid. This fearlessness, why didn't I have the ability when I was alive? Being dead, I have nothing to lose.

I cross the bridge and face several other challenges. I still can't find my body, but I know I'm getting somewhere. I start to feel incredibly sad that I died. I think of all the people I love and all the things I love doing. I feel desperation. I start screaming. Praying. PLEASE PLEASE!!! I need one more chance! Please give me one more chance to..

There it is.. I see it in the corner of my eye.

I wake up.


Mark-O said...

Dang man that sounds sad and beautiful at the same time. Maybe you could turn this dream into an art piece of some sort, digital, paint, sketch, etc. Turn it into something tangible - so you can look at it everytime and be reminded.

Take it easy dude, hope all is well.
Much love from below -
mark \ nuke \ zoe

Nelson said...

I am guessing it means subconsciously you are sort of dwelling on the opportunities that that had slipped by you and regret that you did not take advantage of it... Well I don't know, just feel like that's what's going on... You only get one chance to take advantage of an opportunity, if it fails, you tried, and learn from it and it prepares you for the next opportunity that comes along... There aren't that many in life I think... :)

vince.chan said...

Dude that is a hype dream. You're a pretty good story teller, no joke.

The dream is a good sign, it's your subconscious having a moment of clarity.

Rich said...

thanks for the comments you guys.

Mark, i might just do that.. was actually thinking that while writing this post. haha. same wavelength dood. Say WHATUP to Nuke and Zoe for me! i wonder if Zoe still remembers me?

Nel, thanks for the analytics. I always like to hear someone else's thoughts on dreams like this. I agree with you, that there aren't many of those GREAT opportunities that come in a lifetime.

Vince, thanks for the complement. Writing is definitely something that i have low confidence in... so thanks. and yes.. the message is clear... and i will cross those bridges when i get to them.

mark-o said...

Same wavelength indeed! I bet its gonna be a great project. Do let me know how it goes - maybe we can even work together who knows.

Nuke / Zoe are doing great. Of course she remembers you - every time she plays with her roller coaster toy!